I'm back again. I know...I'm here to write another entry. To express my feelings towards life. I sometimes feel like I'm in a box. I feel as if I have invisible bars surrounding me, and they are slowly pressing against me, making me motionless. It's so weird because there are so many people with problems too, like they are trying to find their path. They are trying to find themselves. It sucks because everybody doesn't know a person's life. I mean a lot of people don't know my life and those who do understand my actions. I mean lately I'm just trying to keep out of trouble which is hard. I don't want to be in any more problems because I have enough of my own. It's so hard to explain but I'm not normal. Nobody is but I have to keep silent of things that I wish I could shout out. I have a clamp over my mouth that pinches my lips together if I make a sound. I can't break the tether that surrounds my neck because I have accustomed to it being there. I try to see my future and I want to see my path ahead of me. What am I going to do when I'm 18? Am I just going to be accepted to a college and live there for 4 years straight? What will happen to me? ..alone. I sometimes wish there weren't people who like to cause problems with me. Sometimes I seek the problems but most of the time people provoke them. I ask myself, why do I defend the friends that would not defend me? I am going to stop doing that because it is not worth it. From now on, I have continued my path of ignoring those ignorant people who find joy in making others look minuscule to their size. I mean, it is so weird that like being in high school, you think you don't see people making fun of others, but then it surprises you when you do. It hurts me. One occasion was during badminton practice, I see these girls making fun of these two chinese girls. They were making racial jokes of them just because they didn't speak english very well. I was so mad because they were so ignorant and they had no right to make fun of them. It hurt me a lot to see that because I have a lot of Asian friends who are so kind and I don't appreciate seeing people do racial jokes. I couldn't believe my ears and eyes when I saw what they had done. They were pointing and laughing and they thought they they were cool. What gets me mad is that people praise these types of people and call them popular. How is making fun of people because of their ethnicity something to be popular about? It just gets me so mad. I mean, I don't think what I'm saying is wrong because I know everybody has been made fun of, and it's an ugly feeling. It just so weird seeing it in high school because one believes that they are all grown up and matured in high school but then you see stupid blabs flying around. Oh well, I'm just not going to follow that path. I know that I have several paths. One is to go to the path of people who see joy of watching others cry, and be humiliated. Another is following the path to wisdom, and respecting others along the way. It's also the path to finding one's self and reaching a goal. That's the path I'm going to take...

So much work to do. Nothing is going to be done pretty soon. Ok. Well yesterday my friends came over and we worked on so many things. They came at like 2:45pm and they left at 8:23 pm. We worked none stop and we didn't take breaks...(*cough* I did :-D). Well, hm. Oh I was wondering if anybody would be kind and give me 3 tBucks. That's all I'm asking for. I would greatly appreciate (more the merrier :-)). Well, I have a lab to do. I have to read this boring book *yawn*. I have to finish my research notes. I have other homework. Ahh too stressful. At the most part, today we are going to eat at my favorite chinese food restaurant. Yay! I don't have much to say. Oh yeah, I forgot to sign up for the featured thing. Hmm...should I try? Let's see, how many tBucks do you need? Well, that's all. Oh yeah for the people who helped me with my project, thanks again. My teacher hasn't graded them yet but I hope I get a good grade. Let's just say that it *eye-catching* :-D. Bye!

Hmm...It would be cool if I were featured, but since my name isn't there and it's too late now, I'll just probably run next week :D . I don't think I have enough tbucks...does anybody want to lend me 5 or 10? :-). I would greatly appreciate it. You know, the project I was working on is going quite splendid. I'm decorating it and I'm almost done. Hmm...then I have to finish reading *yawn*. I think I may be getting Strep throat pretty soon because I can feel the symptons. How did this all happen? I got the new version of AIM today, yay. It's nicer and it has games (back to childhood days :-)). Well, it's just great. My blog is pretty boring but I just don't know what to do to it...aha! I know! noo...that wouldn't work...but maybe, nah. Don't you just hate it when you're typing something online, you're internet suddenly freezes and you are left with a blank face and your mouth wide open. That happens to me all the time. I am so happy because I got 100% on my test today. :-D. *dances*. How did that happen? I underestimate myself too much. Do you think getting on my tBlog is too slow? Somebody said that it took hella long for it to load, and they have cable...I have modem and I think it's okay, but I don't know. Well I don't have much to say. Bye.

Everybody. Thanks for all of the advice that you have given me for my project. I have finally chosen one and I'll see how it goes. :-D. I hope I get a good grade. Hmm...oh yeah. lol, advertisement: please check out my stories and poems at fictionpress.com. There's a link on the left side of this page. :) . Please read and review and I would greatly appreciate it. They're not the best stories or poems but I enjoy writing them :) . You know what I hate, remember that thing that I wrote in the my busted topic...well I hate when people change around the words I say. For example, in my basketball team, everybody is saying that I said that without me the basketball team would always lose! :shock: ...that is not true! When I heard that, I was just shocked at how low people stoop to, to make other people look bad. Oh well...I've forgotten about all the drama, but why haven't they? Anywhoo, hmm...it's a nice day today. I'm just trying to remember all the stuff I got to do...oh yeah watch tv, homework...watch tv again :-D. It's so weird because we got this new computer and it keeps on freezing up on me. I mean I may have a lot of things at once but it hyper-threading technology :D . Okay, I dont' have a ton of things. Maybe two websites and word...and incredimail...and AIM, but I mean it just suddenly stops working and then I just look at the screen with a blank face and just stare at the screen hoping that something will happen. This happened to me yesterday, today...forever. Hmm...it's weird because the first day we bought it, I went home and installed the internet and that first day, the computer had already had the blaster worm! :shock: yup...so hmm. What is wrong with my computer!? If anybody knows, please tell me so I won't have a blank expression on my face :-D. Bye!

Well I got this joke through an e-mail. Three kids are in school...
A Mexican, a White, and a Black. The Teacher tells
them to make a sentence with liver and cheese.
White kid says: "My mom made me a liver and cheese
sandwich and it was sooo good." Black kid says: "My daddy told my momma to go get the Government cheese And she didn't, so my daddy punched her in the liver." Mexican kid says: "Some kids were trying to look under my sister's dress So I told the Cabrones, "Hey!!! Liver alone. Cheese my sister!"
I don't know...I was laughing and I'm hispanic! Yup, there's something wrong with me. Hehe. It's racial but hey, it can be true with anyone. Hope no one gets offended.

Well i got busted hehe. But i'm not sad I'm laughing...ok. This is the story. I have xanga right and I posted up a blog about my basketball team. I was really mad because they are really mean and yeah. This is what I said in the state of me being really mad :D : Well I haven't written in a while but I have been stuck in my own little world. I have been feeling depressed lately but then so angry. Seriously, it's like I want to be violent towards people (and I can be) but it is so hard to hold it back. The people who I thought were cool are now scum stuck to my shoe. I despise them and I can't take away this emotion. I mean, what makes me feel better when I get put down is that, "Natalie, they are stupid...they are losers who only care about themselves and popularity". You know what. I used to like basketball but now I don't even like it. Well, I just don't like the people on the team. I was talking to my friend Lora and she's so cool because she understands me. She knows that there are cliques everywhere. You look around and there are groups of people. For example, there are those people who think that acting ghetto is cool and they enjoy making fun of people. There are other groups that only accept the race of their kind, not letting anybody of another nationality in their group. It's so annoying how there are cliques on the team. When we lose a game, I feel happy . It's not because "we" lost it's because the cliques lost. Shoot, I'm not part of their clique. If you come see a game, you even hear the cheerleaders chanting their "popular" friend on. They dont' chant for no one else. It's so stupid how in high school people have cliques, or just people are in so much competition with each other. I mean I seem like a loner in basketball but I'm not the only one feeling that way. Frankly, I don't really give a hoot about basketball, I mean I like the sport but I could careless about the people. If you think about it, like they could hate me these 3 years but I won't have any of them (hopefully ) in any of my classes and like when I go to college, I'm not gonna call them up. I mean it's so sad how like athletes are getting dummer and dummer. I mean I see this freshman and she comes out of 6th period to go to the game which starts at 5 or something! What the heck? They think it's cool getting out of class. I seriously dont' think it is especially if your class is important. To admit it though, I used to be happy . I remember getting out of Biology last year (Ms. Daube's class...figures). But then i paid the price and my grade went down and stuff.

Lessons in life:

Cliques are stupid.

People are losers for lying.

Making fun of people is bad.

Throwing a basketball at a person's face is bad...*cough*.

Letting sports get to your head...stupid.

1 game, 1 gatorade unused = $1

1 game, eating a better lunch to burn it at a game which you won't play in =$5

Letting it all out and shutting the trap of another player (small piece of crap ....*coughs twice*)=priceless

The ENd
Ok, lol. That was my entry. Ok, so after that entry I go and watch tv and an hour later I go check on my xanga. I don't know why but it's this intuition I have inside of me. So I go and I see I have one comment. I think that it's a friend leaving me props or something hehe...you never know :D . Well guess what? It was my captain. There are two but this is the small one. i dont' really like her because she is sarcastic, and she's just plain mean. I'm not the only one who feels this way but yeah. This is what she said. "well i have a lil sumthin to say myself..maybe you should put a lil effort into being more part of the team. you cant blame the so called "cliques" fer havin close friends on the team and fer u not bein happy that you dunt get as much playin time as you used to. Yes, i admit some people get a lil carried away with the "popularity" idea but cliques isn't what's the problem, its that we dunt work together.But, have u ever juss get caught up in the moment and juss wanted to shoot? its not selfishness its juss a rush inside that overwhelms u to juss take ur first instinct. honestly im not tryna sound harsh or nuthin but reality check..no one's pefect. a team is never perfect..they have their flaws but as long as we work together and dunt let all our personal lives conflict on the way we play we'll be fine. you sayin that you dunt care if we lost a game cuz it wasnt YOU who lost but the CLIQUES...thats not true..as part of the team we should win or lose as a TEAM even tho ur not playing. i dunt appreciate you talkin bad about the team..but i guess you gotta say wut you gotta say..and so do i. "
Okay...that was over. So I read it and I wasnt' sad, I was laughing I guess it was weird because I had a lot of questions in my head. How did she get my xanga? Who told her? So then I go back to my xanga and then I see another comment. Like two seconds passed! Guess what? It was from my other captain. This is what she said, "ahhhh...my blabs got deleted, it was hella long, fuck....k well to be really short, that was meesed up really, i feel what u feel sometimes but u saying what u said really is dumb. You have the right to say what u want, and i do to...i try not to get in your way but now, my feelings may be different about u...talk to me if u want."
Once again...i didn't get mad. Because these two people are full of themselves and are too into popularity. I mean, they praise people if they are "popular" and make fun of people who are not. So yeah. But then I still had the questions in my head. I looked in my xanga and you have subscribers. Like the people who have your xanga like if you write a new post they get updated. Well there is one girl who is subscribed to me but she doesn't like me (yeah confusing isn't it) and so I thought it was her. I mean she probably got it through her e-mail and then said to the two captains that I had written that post. Well to prove my theory, in one of my classes she looked at one of the captains, and said, "Bust". What did she mean by that? my interpretation, she got me busted but yeah so that's why i think it's her. I know this is a long story but I had to let it out. I g2g...hehe. I'm gonna get jumped any day now :D . Oh well j/k. bye!

Well my story. I haven't updated it in a while and I got a remark about that hehe. I should go work on it and I will ASAIC(as soon as I can). Well, I haven't been doing much and I always feel as if I'm missing something, like hw or something. I dont' know what I'm going to do tomorrow but I want to do something fun because my life has been pretty boring... :cry: . Well, right now I'm making oatmeal cookies (low fat) but it's a disastrous thing because something went wrong. The low fat recipe said to combine the flour or something and it gave no specific flour measurement. I just guessed *cough* which was a bad idea. They look like pieces of turd. hehe. Well, hmm...my head hurts. Basketball is annoying me even more everyday. The stupid coach doesn't put me in to play at all anymore. Okay, what happened? Before I used to play the whole game now I play nothing. He has something against me but I don't know what... :?: . Oh well...I'll go check on the cookies, bye! *grunts* stupid coach...

Well I have to read All Quiet on the Western Front and it is not so interesting. I'm trying very hard to keep my eyes open. Yup, well all day I've been doing hw well not really and I'm just trying to keep my brain open because I'm forgetting everything that I have to do. In basketball practice somebody told me to 'watch out!' and I was in my own little world and I got hit my the ball and it just bounced off my head :oops: . I didn't notice until a couple of seconds later when I felt the collision piercing my head. I was still kind of drowsy for unknown reasons. My story:...oops where did my brain go. I was doing this really good story and I haven't had the time to update it. I'm just still on this writer's block trying to cross the street to Imagination Avenue :D . Well, it's still going there but I just have to use my thinking cap to open up new ideas. Hmm...What else can I say? I dont' really know hehe. My mind is still at the gym alongside that basketball that hit me :D . Bye!

Today is sunday and instead of reading (what I should have been doing...oops) I've been working on my website. I mean I don't know HTML really well to do my own website (I've tried, bad experience hehe), so yeah, my website is not too good. I don't really have a common theme to it. Does anybody have any suggestions? I keep working on it but no luck. Hm..I've changed part of the layout because before it was too childishlike. I'll be adding more stuff and making a different lay out. I've slowly progressed but I don't really know what to do. What catches people's interest? Hmm...well, today I've been eating pizza all day. Bleah, fattening but good. Yum. Yesterday I ate like a pig too. I usually eat a little bit but then all of these temptations being thrown at me are so hard to escape :D. Well, I have still had problems with changing my profile for the community section of tBlog. Oh well...I can't get it to work. I g2g. Bye!

Well, I was working on my tblog and then I clicked to change the background of my header and suddenly my whole tblog thing went balistic! :x , so then I had to start over and recreate what I had before. Since I have a bad memory, I dont' even remember most of the color scheme. So now it looks really girly, but oh well. Too lazy to go back and change it :D . I wonder what could have happened. Yup. Well I got my grades and I got all A's ( :D oh yeah...!). All that stress paid off. hehe. I was trying to register again for the tblog communities thing so I could change my profile or something, but everytime I put my information (i.e. AIM sn, or MSN sn), it kept on telling me that the password was incorrect. What password? I didn't even put in a password. There wasn't even a space to put in a password. Oh well, if anybody has a solution to this, please tell me. Well, I have to go...it's kind of late here. Oh heck, I just want to go watch tv. Bye! :D